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Idol Hands

by Kmac2021

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about

"Idol Hands"

This song has been chilling in my project files as an instrumental for a good few years now. At one point, I had just abandoned it with a bunch of other stuff I was working on. As it turns out, the song would go on to have the most lyrical significance out of all the songs I've written.

Somewhere around the end of 2019 and the beginning of 2020, I lost all my care and confidence when it came to making videos or music. Nothing ever felt good enough. I had a complete loss in confidence and it meant that I let a lot of things slip away from me. Times where I should've been striving, it felt like I was just detatched from reality. Of course, the current times didn't help that fact considering we were all stuck inside. I had (and still have) a lot of conflicting thoughts about how things have been. I feel like being absent from making videos had left some expectation that if/when I eventually came back to it, people would expect a lot (despite this pressure only existing from myself). I had let the idea of disappointing the people who love watching my videos get to my head too much, so I continued to stay absent not only on YouTube but every other platform I had.

so with all of this and more in mind, I wrote random sentiments in what I would basically call a diary, some entries being long paragraphs, others being as simple as a sentence or a single word. Rather than keeping these entries as a reminder of uncertain times, I used it to form lyrics, lyrics that would eventually become this song.

the title was originally spelled "Idle Hands" referring to the fact that I had been neglecting my talents, never touching my guitar or practising my singing. I changed the spelling of idle to "Idol" to symbolize the pressure I felt about keeping up with expectations, either from an audience or even just from myself. It's stupid, I know. I'm a meme channel. I shouldn't feel pressured about making 20 second videos lmao. it is what it is.

lyrics

________________________________________________

All I am is all I'll ever be
Just another strangers face upon your screen
The mask slipped to reveal a vision obscene
A jaded perspective of what it used to be
No sign of a soul in the flesh machine
Doubt stills the fire in me,
it sows the seeds of uncertainty
there are none so blind as those who will not see
do you see yourself when you look at me?

Parasocial pariah
Set the stone and build the walls higher
break them down, lose the ground
heavy is the head that wears the crown

Idle hands
seizing up 'til the bones break and snap through my skin
reveals there's nothing within
A lie, no trace of a soul
Closing my eyes praying for no tomorrow
Recluse, block out the sun
no sense of regret for what I've become
Ghost, a whisper
Lost, I'm drowning in wasted time

Tried my best to overcome but nothing came to mind
I never used to believe
when they told me that the devil makes work for
idle hands
Breaking down 'til there's nothing left of me
All I am is all I'll ever be
Just a idle failure placed for the world to see

________________________________________________

credits

released April 25, 2022
Music & Lyrics Written and Performed by Kmac2021

Mixed and Mastered by SixteenInMono
www.youtube.com/c/SixteenInMono

Artwork & Lyric Video by hollowedgraphix
www.instagram.com/hollowedgraphix/

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all rights reserved

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Kmac2021 Glasgow, UK

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